Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Guitar Heros?

After a two day bender, I headed to Blockbuster for mindless entertainment. I mean, even though I've received six different "free NETFLIX for a month" certificates, I'm still going to Blockbuster. Whatever!!, as I pulled in to Blockbuster there was some mass hysteria happening in the parking lot. They had streamers, signs, and balloons...so I decided to park on a side street and walk up, just in case I had to make a quick get-a-way.

I said a two day bender people, on top of whooping cough, things were hazy, I couldn't quite figure out what was going on. All I wanted was a movie, anything, something funny, something sad...didn't matter.

I enter that dang Blockbuster and to my disgust, they are staging a Rock Wars; Battle of the Bands type of thing, with Guitar Hero.

These are grown men on fake guitars battling one another at a Blockbuster in a strip mall. "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith was !BLASTING! What in the hell is happening these days? Honestly, is everything losing its mind? Can this be turned around?

I don't like people thinking they can so freely do whatever they want and walk around being so openly nerdy.

I'm disgsuted,

Drastic Times Call for Dramatic Measures

Sometimes I like to get very dramatic and crank up the Smiths.
Park the car at the side of the road
You should know
Time's tide will smother you
And I will too
When you laugh about people who feel so
Very lonely
Their only desire is to die
Well, I'm afraid
It doesn't make me smile
I wish I could laugh

But that joke isn't funny anymore
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
More than you'll ever know ...

Kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down
You kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down
You kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down
You kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down

It was dark as I drove the point home
And on cold leather seats
Well, it suddenly struck me
I just might die with a smile on my
Face after all

Monday, May 19, 2008

Growing my Dreads

After much debate, I've decided I'm going to go ahead and grow my dreadlocks back out. Should be pretty easy for all of my summer festivals.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Aimee Likey

This week Joan at my Red Hat group posed an interesting question to the group. She asked, "what are some of the things you love most?" After much thought, here are some of the things I can't live without (in no particular order):

Maxwell House Coffee
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (hilarious)
Arnold Palmer (1/2 iced tea; 1/2 lemonade=100% delicious)
jigsaw puzzles
miniature trains
Reading the TV Guide
Anything purple
home schooling
bird watching
Black Angus
Live with Regis and Kelly

Favorite Phrases:
Answering the phone 'hola'
See Ya' Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya'
Where's the Beef?
Well, Excuuuuuse ME!!

That's all I could come up with for now.

Pleat Fronts

At what point in your adult life do you say to yourself, "hey, I'm going to go ahead and buy myself a pair of pleat front trousers"? I don't get it.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Friday Night Concert in the Park

Somehow I always get talked into going, a phone call from one of the girls saying to meet them at Cesar Chavez park for Concert in the Park. Once agreed upon I spend my work day thinking about how quickly I can get home after work so that I can take off my biz-cas fri, carefully place my lanyard on my bedside table, and change clothes, in time to meet my friends.

As I make my way to the park, I suddenly remember how much I hate going. Yet, I'm about two blocks from my final destination. As I search for a parking spot for the next twenty or so minutes, I debate on going home, but I don't. My phone buzzes a million times with texts asking where the hell I am. I go around and around each block trying to find a parking spot, and finally, 12 blocks from Cesar Chavez I find my spot.

Out of the car the wind whips my face and I can hear the drums. I have butterflies in my stomach and Gio is already complaining that he is cold and hungry and can no longer walk. As I carry him in my arms the next 10 blocks I finally arrive. I wait in line for my red bracelette that signifies I have the ability to mingle in the beer garden. I search for friends, circling the crowd with my eyes, over and over again...they are nowhere to be found, lost in a sea of gorgeous tattooed Sacramento. I decide to get in the drink tickets line and to my surprise there are all of my friends. We each buy $20 worth of drink tickets...then proceed to the beer/wine line.

For the next 42 minutes we hold our place in line. We inch our way up to get a drink and when I'm about five people away from getting my drink, I can no longer ignore Gio's pleas to go to the restroom. So, I hand my tickets to a BFF and beg they get my drink while I go to the port-o-potty line. For the next 23 minutes I listen to Gio cry that he is going to pee his pants. Nobody will allow us to cut in front of them because they are in similar situations. The smell of urine and cigarettes in my nose, while some unknown band jams it to pieces. I'm so mad.

Once out of the port-o-potty, I frantically search for my friends, they are nowhere to be found...did they leave?? Where are they?? I haven't even had a sip of that box wine yet. I feel like crying a little bit, because now Gio is hungry. But, everything is "DISGUSTING!" I finally see my friends, grimaces on faces, wine in hands, yelling at some dude. Because I've been gone for 37 minutes, my wine is 1/4 full and it is now time to repeat going to the beer/wine line.

I tell my friends that I will stay in line this time so they can take their kids to the port-o-potty. I patiently wait in line staring at all the ugly people. Sometimes I see someone I don't want to see and make very small talk. When I get to the front of the line they are out of wine, so I have to get BUD LIGHT. I'm also informed that I can only get two drinks per person, but I promised BFF I'd get her a drink....so I get someone else in line to get a drink for my friend with my tickets. I hold three beers in the corner by the beer/wine line and wait. BFF's emerge 20 minutes later, grab their Bud Light's and we are informed that it is time to go....we have $12 worth of tickets left that we will lose before the next time we decide to go to Concert in the Park.

This has gone on for the last decade. I will see you there.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

E-mail Club's List of Stuff the Whites Like

I'm not sure if all of you have seen the website "Stuff White People Like", but taking a cue from it, my email club and I came up with our own list of stuff the whites like and here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Home/Boat/RV/ Shows
Using their elementary Spanish at Mexican restaurants
Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrell
French Manicures
Tiffaney ID bracelettes
Jack Johnson
Talking about getting the cement porch laid for the new backyard
Putting censors on their front and back doors so they can hear if the kids get out
Uncomfortable dinner parties
Greeting Cards
Spray Tan
The Bachelor/Dancing With the Stars/So You Think are Smarter than a 5th Grader
Home Improvment Projects
Class Reunions/Weddings/Baby Showers/Bridal Showers/Birthday Parties/30 year old parties/retirement parties/over the hill parties
Waldorf Salad...salads in general
lacoste polos
going green
loving the "diversity" in presidential candidates but having no intention to vote for either
flip flops
lamenting racism
european ancestry
laughing at white people jokes
Capri Pants
Outlet Stores
designer pets
urban development
baby einstein
orbit strollers/jogging strollers/double wide strollers
fancy tea
small sandwiches
pergo flooring
havarti cheese
loose powder make up (Bare Minerals)
loving people "to death"
Chile rellenos, or as they like to say “Chili reh-lawn-oes
protein bars
healthy tortillas
Abercrombie & Fitch
brainstorming sessions
"party" playlists
minimal dancing at parties
instructional dances
khaki pants
blue dress shirts
the song TEQUILA, dancing like Pee Wee Herman
living on a golf course
high fives/fist pounds
Slumming It
Girl's night/guy's night
The Beatles
Signing petitions
Golden retreivers
kettle corn
boats/personal watercraft
cole haan
taking charge