Thursday, September 25, 2008
As many of you know David Blaine just performed his latest death defying trick, the Death Dive. This is the one where he hung upside down for something like 60 hours then took a dive off the platform from which he hung landing right back onto his steel toed boots.
Can you imagine, hanging upside down, for sixty hours? I couldn't either, not until this morning, that is. This morning I decided to try this act out on my own. I set the timer on the oven for twenty minutes, then got onto the couch and positioned myself so that I hung just off it's edge. The first five minute were a breeze, I thought...what's the big deal Blaine? But as 15 minutes rolled around I began to feel hungry, I needed to go to the bathroom, and my face started to feel funny. Puchi, my fucking cat, kept rubbing her body back and forth on my cheeks, making me feel like I had to sneeze. I didn't think I would make it to 20 minutes. It took all my mental strength to reach that twenty minute mark.
Finally, the buzzer from the oven rang....my twenty minutes were up. Since I couldn't really do a dive off the couch I chose to do a backwards somersault. I landed it with no problems. As you can imagine, the whole experience was life changing.
I sit here sharing my experience via blog with a new lease on life, ready for my next adventure. I'm on top of the WORLD!!! I feel like Tom Cruise. I feel superhuman, like I could take a bullet and not even get hurt.
Welp, I need to go get my daily french crueler and feed Nipperkin.
Here's to YOUR next adventure fans!!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Homo Sapien spotting in East Sacramento.
These two adult male homo sapiens were spotted Sunday in their natural environment, East Sacramento.
When observed the pair picked up dry cleaning, ate grilled chicken sandwiches with goat cheese and roasted red pepper on foccacia bread, drank a pint of Stella Artrois, and slowly made their way back to an Audi wagon with ski racks.
As evidenced by the picture the homo sapiens were in weekend wear. Cargo shorts with extra pockets, light blue button ups, and flip flops (was not close enough to see if they were Havianas, looked like something from American Eagle).
In my professional opinion the two probably know one another from attending Sacramento State. It would also be safe to assume that both have given best man speeches at some point in their lives and that they were spending time together, only briefly, while their girlfriends were getting mani/pedis.
My investigation of the species continues.
Friday, September 05, 2008
Thank you to the good folks at Sutterville Elementary for rescuing my bird, Nipperkin.
Last night around 9:30 p.m. I approached Nipperkin's cage to give him one last treat and cover up his cage so that he could rest. As I approached I could not hear him. Our nightly routine is that he yells out "Nippy love mama"; not last night.
I frantically searched the house, I quickly realized he was gone. As you can imagine I was completely devastated and unable to sleep. I kept thinking I could hear him just outside my window, "Nipperkin wants in mama", but whenever I'd look out, he wasn't there.
So, this morning I began my search. I got out of bed at 5 a.m. and started walking the streets calling for him. When I approached Marie's donuts for my morning French Crueler, I had tears in my eyes. Mai Pan who works the counter asked "what wrong with you now?" with tears in my eyes, I told her about Nipperkin.
Mai Pan told me that her last customer had just picked up a baker's dozen for Sutterville Elementary as they had an extra guest in the office today, a beautiful bird. I said, "Mai, do you think they have my Nipperkin?!" Mai can't really understand anything I say so she just pointed to a sign posted on the window about a found bird.
I ate my crueler and hi-tailed it down to Sutterville, where to my surprise, Nipperkin was perched on the filing cabinet over Ms. Sony's head.
Nipperkin, "YOU PRANKSTER!", I thought to myself. Is this how you go about getting a donut?? After a few minutes, I really wasn't even mad, I was just releived to see him.
Thank you again, Mai Pan, Ms. Sony, and all the other good people in the area. I appreciate your concern for Nipperkin. I appreciate it more than any of you will ever know.
Remember last year when I went to the California State Fair and nuzzled up with a llama and shortly thereafter Anold read my blog and was pictured in the Sacramento Bee doing the EXACT same thing? I'm sure if you are an avid reader it rings a bell. Well, he's at it again, and this time he's on Island Time.
The Sacramento Bee reports:
Partying without Schwarzenegger in St. Paul
Even if he wasn't physically in St. Paul, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was here in spirit - and in DVD.
The Republican governor gave out DVDs as parting gifts at the "Island Fever" bash he hosted Tuesday night for California delegates. As with virtually everything at the convention, even the gifts were sponsored - these came from the Motion Picture Association of America.
Staff handed out Schwarzenegger flicks such as Conan the Barbarian, Twins and Around the World in 80 Days, in addition to non-Schwarzenegger films like Transformers. As one delegate considered selecting the film Junior, an aide noted, "Arnold is pregnant in it!"
One of the most popular choices was Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, part of Schwarzenegger's signature film series. But if delegates looked carefully at the dimly lit gift table outside, they would have seen that many of the Terminator 3 discs were in HD-DVD, the loser in the DVD format war - essentially the Betamax of our time.
Retailers sell the discs in discount bins because the format is defunct. But MPAA and Schwarzenegger may have just answered the question as to how to get rid of the remaining HD-DVD discs: use them as parting gifts.
Doesn't this guy have any original ideas? Last year he copies my state fair theatrics, and this year he's stolen my 2008 motto?
Thursday, September 04, 2008
How much does it suck that Tina Fey is no longer doing skits on Saturday Night Live, she would've done the most PERFECT Sarah Palin impression ever. I can just hear her now asking, "do you know what the difference is between hockey moms and pitbulls?" pause, look at camera "LIPSTICK!".....oh the laughs that could be had.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Now that Gio is in school and I've got no job; I decided to set off on a nice morning walk. Thankfully I found this sign posted to a wooden telephone pole in Curtis Park, it's a warning, it reads:
DO NOT SHOP AT THE CURTIS PARK MARKET!
THE NEWEST OWNER IS A THIEF!
I KNOW THIS BECAUSE HE CONSTANTLY OVER CHARGES ME FOR ITEMS I
HAVE PURCHASED THERE FOR 2 YEARS.
WHEN I TRY TO TELL HIM THE PRICE MARKED FOR A GIVEN ITEM, HE YELLS AND ME
AND INSISITS ON SELLING ITEMS AT THE WRONG PRICE.
DON'T GET STOLEN FROM.
SHOPE SOMEWHERE ELSE-BOYCOTT THE CURTIS PARK THEIF!
Wowzers, thankfully I saw this sign. I'm hoping when we purchase the market that the residents of land park and curtis park will go back to being satisfied and not have to deal with anymore dirty thieves.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
First day of school has finally arrived. The summer went by WAY too fast, but I think Gio enjoyed everything he was able to do. Skate board camp, Virginia, and learning to swim....all accomplished this summer, and now he starts a new year. So far, so good. New shoes, new shirts, and new jeans. He likes his teacher and found out today that his best friend is being moved into his class, if you ask me, it doesn't get any better than that. The fridge is stocked with juice boxes and Wonder bread. The shelves are equipped with HoHo's, fruit leathers, and goldfish crackers. I think it's the beginning of a wonderful year. If I were still at work this would be the second day of Q1 Fiscal Year '09.....ahhhh, don't miss that.