Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas Casual

Hello fans. Sorry for not writing. I've taken time off to grow out my hair and it is taking up a lot more time than I'd anticipated in the beginning. Hopefully the pay off will be worth it. Anyhow....there is something I'd like to discuss this holiday season. It is what I'd like to refer to as Christmas Casual.

This is a phenom that I noticed last week on a trip to Los Angeles. It was a bustling Friday morning at the Southwest terminal. Usually I'd be met with mid-morning business travelers decked out in their best Friday biz-cas outfits. But, because it is the month of December it seemed that everyone turned in their corporate polos and jeans for Christmas inspired sweatshirts, sweaters, and socks.

The woman I have pictured (we'll call her Denise for the sake of the article) is obviously taking care of business as pronounced with her blue tooth ear piece and smart haircut. The only difference here is that Denise is also ringing in the holidays with her head to toe Christmas ensemble paired with a very smart Gloria Vanderbilt jean. This look allows Denise to say, "hey look corporate America, not only can I talk very loudly at the airport about mundane business transactions but I can deck the halls!"

I know that Christmas is quickly approaching and I did mean to relay this information sooner so that you could dress Chris-Cas for your December Fridays, but hopefully you have one or two pot lucks before you are officially out of office.

Have a safe and happy holiday season.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008


This is such an exciting time, we've finally got our president elect and it just so happens to be Barack Obama. I can't ever remember feeling so excited about an election. I'm proud to call him my president and look forward to see how we change as a nation in the coming years.

Not only do I think that Obama is going to be a wonderful president, I feel proud to call him a role model. The love he has for his wife and children make me tear up every time I see them together. To me they represent what a family should be. Strong values, support of one another, and most importantly LOVE.

I'm sorry to those who were affected by Prop 8 here in California as I think it is nothing but unfair, but I do have hope that we will see that turn around in the very near future.

I've never been one to be patriotic or to have ever even waved a United States flag, but at this point in time, I have a rejuvenated patriotism and I am just overwhelmed with emotions for our new presidential family.

Congratulations OBAMA family. Thank you for representing all that is good.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Costume Idea

Halloween is quickly approaching so I went down to Wishing Well this afternoon. Everything is pretty much picked over, but I was able to find a Beth Chapman costume on sale.

Now I can be the Dog's sidekick with this standard issue costume. Beth's costume features her big blond wig, with a black dress and dark sunglasses. The costume also includes handcuffs, a necklace, and a knife with leg strap.

Be forewarned, cheap perfume and a carton of cigarettes is not included with the basic costume, I'd suggest C&B Liquors for these last minute accessories.

Unfortunaltey it looked as though Dog, Leland, Baby Lisa, and Youngblood costumes were already sold out.

Happy trick or treating,

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Maybe I'm just totally nuts, but I think I remember something about Britney Spears being completley off her rocker like four months ago. Should we just chalk it all up to breakdown '08?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Aimers Defies Death

As many of you know David Blaine just performed his latest death defying trick, the Death Dive. This is the one where he hung upside down for something like 60 hours then took a dive off the platform from which he hung landing right back onto his steel toed boots.

Can you imagine, hanging upside down, for sixty hours? I couldn't either, not until this morning, that is. This morning I decided to try this act out on my own. I set the timer on the oven for twenty minutes, then got onto the couch and positioned myself so that I hung just off it's edge. The first five minute were a breeze, I thought...what's the big deal Blaine? But as 15 minutes rolled around I began to feel hungry, I needed to go to the bathroom, and my face started to feel funny. Puchi, my fucking cat, kept rubbing her body back and forth on my cheeks, making me feel like I had to sneeze. I didn't think I would make it to 20 minutes. It took all my mental strength to reach that twenty minute mark.

Finally, the buzzer from the oven rang....my twenty minutes were up. Since I couldn't really do a dive off the couch I chose to do a backwards somersault. I landed it with no problems. As you can imagine, the whole experience was life changing.

I sit here sharing my experience via blog with a new lease on life, ready for my next adventure. I'm on top of the WORLD!!! I feel like Tom Cruise. I feel superhuman, like I could take a bullet and not even get hurt.

Welp, I need to go get my daily french crueler and feed Nipperkin.
Here's to YOUR next adventure fans!!


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Homo Sapien Spotting

Homo Sapien spotting in East Sacramento.

These two adult male homo sapiens were spotted Sunday in their natural environment, East Sacramento.
When observed the pair picked up dry cleaning, ate grilled chicken sandwiches with goat cheese and roasted red pepper on foccacia bread, drank a pint of Stella Artrois, and slowly made their way back to an Audi wagon with ski racks.

As evidenced by the picture the homo sapiens were in weekend wear. Cargo shorts with extra pockets, light blue button ups, and flip flops (was not close enough to see if they were Havianas, looked like something from American Eagle).

In my professional opinion the two probably know one another from attending Sacramento State. It would also be safe to assume that both have given best man speeches at some point in their lives and that they were spending time together, only briefly, while their girlfriends were getting mani/pedis.

My investigation of the species continues.

Dr. Aimerstein

Friday, September 05, 2008

Close Call

Thank you to the good folks at Sutterville Elementary for rescuing my bird, Nipperkin.

Last night around 9:30 p.m. I approached Nipperkin's cage to give him one last treat and cover up his cage so that he could rest. As I approached I could not hear him. Our nightly routine is that he yells out "Nippy love mama"; not last night.

I frantically searched the house, I quickly realized he was gone. As you can imagine I was completely devastated and unable to sleep. I kept thinking I could hear him just outside my window, "Nipperkin wants in mama", but whenever I'd look out, he wasn't there.

So, this morning I began my search. I got out of bed at 5 a.m. and started walking the streets calling for him. When I approached Marie's donuts for my morning French Crueler, I had tears in my eyes. Mai Pan who works the counter asked "what wrong with you now?" with tears in my eyes, I told her about Nipperkin.

Mai Pan told me that her last customer had just picked up a baker's dozen for Sutterville Elementary as they had an extra guest in the office today, a beautiful bird. I said, "Mai, do you think they have my Nipperkin?!" Mai can't really understand anything I say so she just pointed to a sign posted on the window about a found bird.

I ate my crueler and hi-tailed it down to Sutterville, where to my surprise, Nipperkin was perched on the filing cabinet over Ms. Sony's head.

Nipperkin, "YOU PRANKSTER!", I thought to myself. Is this how you go about getting a donut?? After a few minutes, I really wasn't even mad, I was just releived to see him.

Thank you again, Mai Pan, Ms. Sony, and all the other good people in the area. I appreciate your concern for Nipperkin. I appreciate it more than any of you will ever know.



Remember last year when I went to the California State Fair and nuzzled up with a llama and shortly thereafter Anold read my blog and was pictured in the Sacramento Bee doing the EXACT same thing? I'm sure if you are an avid reader it rings a bell. Well, he's at it again, and this time he's on Island Time.

The Sacramento Bee reports:

Partying without Schwarzenegger in St. Paul

Even if he wasn't physically in St. Paul, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was here in spirit - and in DVD.

The Republican governor gave out DVDs as parting gifts at the "Island Fever" bash he hosted Tuesday night for California delegates. As with virtually everything at the convention, even the gifts were sponsored - these came from the Motion Picture Association of America.

Staff handed out Schwarzenegger flicks such as Conan the Barbarian, Twins and Around the World in 80 Days, in addition to non-Schwarzenegger films like Transformers. As one delegate considered selecting the film Junior, an aide noted, "Arnold is pregnant in it!"

One of the most popular choices was Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, part of Schwarzenegger's signature film series. But if delegates looked carefully at the dimly lit gift table outside, they would have seen that many of the Terminator 3 discs were in HD-DVD, the loser in the DVD format war - essentially the Betamax of our time.

Retailers sell the discs in discount bins because the format is defunct. But MPAA and Schwarzenegger may have just answered the question as to how to get rid of the remaining HD-DVD discs: use them as parting gifts.

Doesn't this guy have any original ideas? Last year he copies my state fair theatrics, and this year he's stolen my 2008 motto?
Austrians, eh?

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Perfect Match

How much does it suck that Tina Fey is no longer doing skits on Saturday Night Live, she would've done the most PERFECT Sarah Palin impression ever. I can just hear her now asking, "do you know what the difference is between hockey moms and pitbulls?" pause, look at camera "LIPSTICK!".....oh the laughs that could be had.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Braggart McBraggart

Yeah dude, thanks for rubbing it in, of course I want a 1982 Vette with gold shudder tail lights, no duh. Sheesh, rub it in why don't you?! People these days.


Now that Gio is in school and I've got no job; I decided to set off on a nice morning walk. Thankfully I found this sign posted to a wooden telephone pole in Curtis Park, it's a warning, it reads:


Wowzers, thankfully I saw this sign. I'm hoping when we purchase the market that the residents of land park and curtis park will go back to being satisfied and not have to deal with anymore dirty thieves.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

First Day Of School

First day of school has finally arrived. The summer went by WAY too fast, but I think Gio enjoyed everything he was able to do. Skate board camp, Virginia, and learning to swim....all accomplished this summer, and now he starts a new year. So far, so good. New shoes, new shirts, and new jeans. He likes his teacher and found out today that his best friend is being moved into his class, if you ask me, it doesn't get any better than that. The fridge is stocked with juice boxes and Wonder bread. The shelves are equipped with HoHo's, fruit leathers, and goldfish crackers. I think it's the beginning of a wonderful year. If I were still at work this would be the second day of Q1 Fiscal Year '09.....ahhhh, don't miss that.


Thursday, August 28, 2008

Go Ahead and Jump

I was so used to that piece of shit PC at work, pardon my lack of blogging.

Being laid off.....where do I begin? I'll start right here....wait a second, did I tell you I was laid off? Well, I am.

You know I can remember my dad, Ed, being laid off so many times as a kid. He was in construction. He drank a lot of beer. He had no education. He had me at 19 years old. He had DUI's (knocked his teeth out). He left my mom. He drove a red Trans Am. He listened to the Miami Vice soundtrack, relentlessly.

Ed Anspach's idea of a good time was pizza and a pitcher of beer. He never spent time with me even though I begged him to. Ed eventually left my beautiful mom and married a woman named Rhonda who loved air brushed blue carnations.... but.... I loved him....he was the most funny and handsome human being I'd ever witnessed....but I never wanted to be him.

While I knew it was bad that he was laid off as we lived in our Citrus Heights tract home with no car or health care; I always figured there was probably something he had done to deserve the lay off. Whether it was his lack of education, his weekends in jail, or just bad weather. There always seemed to be a reason for him not having a job.

Now, here I am pushing 36 years old, a super important bachelor's degree in hand, 16 years of dedicated work experience, any and every thing I could do not to end up like my dad....I did........and now....with all of that said.... I find I am laid off.

What gives? I took all the right precautions. I got my bachelor's degree, I mentored/tutored/spoke up/kept my mouth shut/ listened/managed/believed/gained respect/gave respect/dedicated eight years/was fair/was constructive...... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I still end up like Ed. It's frustrating. But, I have hope.

My point is....my random thoughts... the Weston's .....the Burritos...; The Langtry's...EMC, Ed Anspach, Mary Holley, my punker Grandma who converted to a democrat this week...Delshawn, Oliver Ong, dave neilsen, IADT, UOP, SSA, SPB, EAII, OPP, hyderbad, my creative, beautiful mom...my loving oakie granny.....my BEAUTIFUL son.....all of these things....lead me to believe in the HOPE that Obama spoke of tonight. The willingness to accept. Empathy. Love. Dedication. Giving. Goodness.

Live it BITCHES. In the mean time.....jump rope to the the smuggler's blues.

Shout out to Scott Bain.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Irish Gangsters

These two met when they were ten months old. They've been best friends since. Only time will tell where the world will take them, but I'm quite sure they'll be shakin' up Land Park in no time.

Camping Trip

This weekend was FANTASTIC a quick camping trip to Sugar Pine Reservoir with the kids, KID TIME. This picture demonstrates G finding and cathing a one eyed toad. Though the bottom of my feet my forever be stained with red dirt, I don't care. I had the best time ever....chatting, eating, drinking, skinny dipping, star gazing, failed attempts at rafting....it was glorious. Aimers likes camping.


Today Aimers would like to say, that you should take time to smell the roses. They are pressure washing the building here today so it's really loud and I'm getting a major migraine. I may have an age old case of the Mondays.


Friday, July 25, 2008

Fun with Pictures

Check this out: http://www.photofunia.com/

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Curtis Park Dream Store: COMING SOON

I have to admit my spirits have been down since finding out that guy from Willie's hamburgers ended up getting Fuji. But, whatever, I'm Aimers, I move on people.

It all started last week. I entered Curtis Park Market and the wafting smell of rat piss filled my nostrils. I was there for my usual, pack of Kools and single tall can of malt liquor....but this time, I wanted popsicles too. As I wrote my check for $4.32, I asked the cashier "why no popsicles?". He says, "no worry, I get for you", and pretends to write down popsicles on some "shopping list" of future items to buy for the store. Knowing I would never come back for the popsicles, it all dawned on me. I'm buying Curtis Park Market and making it a dream store, for all the Curtis Park/Land Park people.

My new store is going to be totally awesome. For starters people in the parks, Curtis and Land, like organic shit, home made ice cream, specialty meats, cheeses, beer (no singles), wine...I'm going to have all of that and lasagna. I'm going to have lots of sauces, BBQ rubs, and baked goods. As a matter of fact, I'm going to carry Old Soul baked goods and coffee, because that place is super hip.

I'm going to expand the parking lot so there are like 10 different bicycle racks for all the fixed gear bicycles. Mopeds and scooters will have their own parking structure and I'll have two separate alternative fueling stations. One hemp and one corn oil. And it's going to be all old timey where someone comes and pumps your alternative fuel for you, while washing your windows.

This dream store will also have a totally rad courtyard out back and Jerry Perry is going to book shows there when we have wine tasting and appetizer night. There will be a big relaxing fountain so you can read the San Francisco Chronicle, Midtown Monthly or your Sac State Alumni magazines next to it, total chill time. Sometimes when it's nice out we can have local neighbors, like that one kids dad from Crocker Riverside give gardening classes in the back... organic, of course.

Were not going to forget about the babies either. When you come into the store you can check out one of our hemp baby slings for dad to wear while you shop. We'll have baby massage, baby yoga, breast feeding support groups and we'll be the very first store in the area to sell a full selection of fresh breast milk made by local moms.

Speaking of Moms, we haven't forgotten about you. You'll be pleased to know we offer knitting circles, hair braiding classes, oil/soap making courses, vegan potlucks, mixed martial arts classes and yoga taught by the "SF Yoga Girl". And, once the housing market gets better, were going to do mortgages in our office space... oh.... while I'm on the subject, please don't forget I'm a notary public, and am here for any of your notary needs.


Too good to be true? I certainly hope not. But just to be safe, I'm going to go down and write a check out for three California State Lottery tickets as soon as I get off of work. Please, seriously, keep your fingers crossed. I don't want another Fuji situation on my hands.

I look forward to servicing all of your annoying needs,

(Thanks April for the inspiration)

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Belly Dancing

I started belly dancing again. Feels good to jingle jangle my finger clankers, I forgot how much I love my coin belt.


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Performance Art Camp

I just completed the Jonesey C. Starlight Performance Art Camp off the cost of Mendocino. I've included pictures of some of the things I am now able to do, like twist through a hula hoop.

For those of you who do not have any performance art experience I would recommend this introductory course. For three days Jonesey teaches you the basics of performance art. Costuming, speaking through a bullhorn, and basic hula hooping are all part of this beginner's course. Cost of the two day seminar is only $150.00. As Jonesey explains this money will be made back in spades upon your first public performance.

I always thought I had what it would take to become a semi-professional performance artist. After this experience I am even more confident that I can make my dreams a reality.

Because Jonesey is not licensed; this course is by word of mouth only. For those of you interested, please drop me a line or call my cellular telephone.

Good day,

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Office Foods

I can imagine that every office freezer looks about like the one here, jam packed with ice cream and Lean Cuisines. Whose eating these things anyways?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Badu Bay-bay.

These two gorillas were out in full effect last night at the Paramount Theatre in Oakland to see our girl Erykah....but not before taking a picture in front of this airbrushed backdrop...PHOTOS!!! During our time at the photo shoot, one young lady asked us to move, so her moms could take a picture of her with her cellular telephone, without paying the $10 for the actual picture. That was quickly vetoed by the airbrush photo booth operator and we got our sweet ass picture in mere minutes. We've both decided never to wear these jeans again.

Have a bless-ed day,

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Cats Suck!

Aimers has always, always, had a siamese cat. Like seriously all of my life. When I was little I had one named Maya and I thought she was my best friend until she took her claws and ripped open my forehead while I was petting her. So, anyhow, now I've had this other siamese cat named Puchimaru for like 14 years and while I try to give her away to someone pretty much every day because I can't fucking stand her, nobody will take her. I've moved four times in an attempt to try to shake that dang cat, no such luck. Here I will post some of the top reasons I hate my cat:

1. Cat litter. Not only does cat litter stink and you get stuck having to change a litter box, it gets all over the place. Each time after that stupid cat takes a disgusting shit, she shakes her paws all over the tile floor. I have to sweep three times a day just so litter doesn't stick to the bottom of my feet, DISGUSTING.

2. Hair. Cat hair gets everywhere, all over my clothes, my couch, even my ironing board. I spend like $1,000 in lint brushes per year. Nobody looks good covered in cat hair, plus it makes you sneeze.

3. Meowing. Meowing is annoying, especially when you have a SIAMESE cat, they are like 10 times louder than a normal cat. Fuckers. You can't lock these cats out of the house, they meow to get back in, they are relentless.

4. Food crunching in the middle of the night. For some reason this cat eats in the middle of the night, so all you hear around 3 a.m. is loud crunching.

5. Playing at inappropriate times. Much like the food thing, this cat, Puchi...she plays games, like running around and ball dribbling in the middle of the night, making it impossible to sleep.

6. Cuddling. I do not want cuddle time with this motherfucker. Seriously, she makes dough on skin, sucks blankets like she's nursing, and drools....sickening.

7. Purring. Purring is annoying and loud, I hate purring.

8. Drinking. Even if you were to sit out four different water vessels, this cat will choose to drink out of the fish bowl. This gets hair into the fish bowl, which means there is more for me to clean. Fucking CAT DUDE!!

9. She's mean and sneaky. Don't get me wrong, Puchi is a beautiful cat, this is why it is so tempting to pet her...but don't be fooled people. Everyone that has ever tried to pet Puchi has been brutally attacked with blood. She's horrible.

10. She likes me. This is the worst part of it all, as mean as I am to this cat, she likes me. She's never bitten me, she always wants to sit on my lap, and tries over and over to get on my pillow every single night. This bitch will not get the hint.

There you have it folks, my top ten reasons for hating my stupid ass cat.
Would anyone like to take her home for their own?


Oh man, just thought of another one....she's ruined my couch. Like most cats, they find it necessary to sharpen their disgusting toe nails on the couch. Now one whole side/arm of the couch is shredded with like strings coming out so it NEVER EVER looks CLASSY!! I'm so IRRITATED right now!!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Guitar Heros?

After a two day bender, I headed to Blockbuster for mindless entertainment. I mean, even though I've received six different "free NETFLIX for a month" certificates, I'm still going to Blockbuster. Whatever!!, as I pulled in to Blockbuster there was some mass hysteria happening in the parking lot. They had streamers, signs, and balloons...so I decided to park on a side street and walk up, just in case I had to make a quick get-a-way.

I said a two day bender people, on top of whooping cough, things were hazy, I couldn't quite figure out what was going on. All I wanted was a movie, anything, something funny, something sad...didn't matter.

I enter that dang Blockbuster and to my disgust, they are staging a Rock Wars; Battle of the Bands type of thing, with Guitar Hero.

These are grown men on fake guitars battling one another at a Blockbuster in a strip mall. "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith was !BLASTING! What in the hell is happening these days? Honestly, is everything losing its mind? Can this be turned around?

I don't like people thinking they can so freely do whatever they want and walk around being so openly nerdy.

I'm disgsuted,

Drastic Times Call for Dramatic Measures

Sometimes I like to get very dramatic and crank up the Smiths.
Park the car at the side of the road
You should know
Time's tide will smother you
And I will too
When you laugh about people who feel so
Very lonely
Their only desire is to die
Well, I'm afraid
It doesn't make me smile
I wish I could laugh

But that joke isn't funny anymore
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
More than you'll ever know ...

Kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down
You kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down
You kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down
You kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down

It was dark as I drove the point home
And on cold leather seats
Well, it suddenly struck me
I just might die with a smile on my
Face after all

Monday, May 19, 2008

Growing my Dreads

After much debate, I've decided I'm going to go ahead and grow my dreadlocks back out. Should be pretty easy for all of my summer festivals.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Aimee Likey

This week Joan at my Red Hat group posed an interesting question to the group. She asked, "what are some of the things you love most?" After much thought, here are some of the things I can't live without (in no particular order):

Maxwell House Coffee
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (hilarious)
Arnold Palmer (1/2 iced tea; 1/2 lemonade=100% delicious)
jigsaw puzzles
miniature trains
Reading the TV Guide
Anything purple
home schooling
bird watching
Black Angus
Live with Regis and Kelly

Favorite Phrases:
Answering the phone 'hola'
See Ya' Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya'
Where's the Beef?
Well, Excuuuuuse ME!!

That's all I could come up with for now.

Pleat Fronts

At what point in your adult life do you say to yourself, "hey, I'm going to go ahead and buy myself a pair of pleat front trousers"? I don't get it.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Friday Night Concert in the Park

Somehow I always get talked into going, a phone call from one of the girls saying to meet them at Cesar Chavez park for Concert in the Park. Once agreed upon I spend my work day thinking about how quickly I can get home after work so that I can take off my biz-cas fri, carefully place my lanyard on my bedside table, and change clothes, in time to meet my friends.

As I make my way to the park, I suddenly remember how much I hate going. Yet, I'm about two blocks from my final destination. As I search for a parking spot for the next twenty or so minutes, I debate on going home, but I don't. My phone buzzes a million times with texts asking where the hell I am. I go around and around each block trying to find a parking spot, and finally, 12 blocks from Cesar Chavez I find my spot.

Out of the car the wind whips my face and I can hear the drums. I have butterflies in my stomach and Gio is already complaining that he is cold and hungry and can no longer walk. As I carry him in my arms the next 10 blocks I finally arrive. I wait in line for my red bracelette that signifies I have the ability to mingle in the beer garden. I search for friends, circling the crowd with my eyes, over and over again...they are nowhere to be found, lost in a sea of gorgeous tattooed Sacramento. I decide to get in the drink tickets line and to my surprise there are all of my friends. We each buy $20 worth of drink tickets...then proceed to the beer/wine line.

For the next 42 minutes we hold our place in line. We inch our way up to get a drink and when I'm about five people away from getting my drink, I can no longer ignore Gio's pleas to go to the restroom. So, I hand my tickets to a BFF and beg they get my drink while I go to the port-o-potty line. For the next 23 minutes I listen to Gio cry that he is going to pee his pants. Nobody will allow us to cut in front of them because they are in similar situations. The smell of urine and cigarettes in my nose, while some unknown band jams it to pieces. I'm so mad.

Once out of the port-o-potty, I frantically search for my friends, they are nowhere to be found...did they leave?? Where are they?? I haven't even had a sip of that box wine yet. I feel like crying a little bit, because now Gio is hungry. But, everything is "DISGUSTING!" I finally see my friends, grimaces on faces, wine in hands, yelling at some dude. Because I've been gone for 37 minutes, my wine is 1/4 full and it is now time to repeat going to the beer/wine line.

I tell my friends that I will stay in line this time so they can take their kids to the port-o-potty. I patiently wait in line staring at all the ugly people. Sometimes I see someone I don't want to see and make very small talk. When I get to the front of the line they are out of wine, so I have to get BUD LIGHT. I'm also informed that I can only get two drinks per person, but I promised BFF I'd get her a drink....so I get someone else in line to get a drink for my friend with my tickets. I hold three beers in the corner by the beer/wine line and wait. BFF's emerge 20 minutes later, grab their Bud Light's and we are informed that it is time to go....we have $12 worth of tickets left that we will lose before the next time we decide to go to Concert in the Park.

This has gone on for the last decade. I will see you there.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

E-mail Club's List of Stuff the Whites Like

I'm not sure if all of you have seen the website "Stuff White People Like", but taking a cue from it, my email club and I came up with our own list of stuff the whites like and here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Home/Boat/RV/ Shows
Using their elementary Spanish at Mexican restaurants
Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrell
French Manicures
Tiffaney ID bracelettes
Jack Johnson
Talking about getting the cement porch laid for the new backyard
Putting censors on their front and back doors so they can hear if the kids get out
Uncomfortable dinner parties
Greeting Cards
Spray Tan
The Bachelor/Dancing With the Stars/So You Think are Smarter than a 5th Grader
Home Improvment Projects
Class Reunions/Weddings/Baby Showers/Bridal Showers/Birthday Parties/30 year old parties/retirement parties/over the hill parties
Waldorf Salad...salads in general
lacoste polos
going green
loving the "diversity" in presidential candidates but having no intention to vote for either
flip flops
lamenting racism
european ancestry
laughing at white people jokes
Capri Pants
Outlet Stores
designer pets
urban development
baby einstein
orbit strollers/jogging strollers/double wide strollers
fancy tea
small sandwiches
pergo flooring
havarti cheese
loose powder make up (Bare Minerals)
loving people "to death"
Chile rellenos, or as they like to say “Chili reh-lawn-oes
protein bars
healthy tortillas
Abercrombie & Fitch
brainstorming sessions
"party" playlists
minimal dancing at parties
instructional dances
khaki pants
blue dress shirts
the song TEQUILA, dancing like Pee Wee Herman
living on a golf course
high fives/fist pounds
Slumming It
Girl's night/guy's night
The Beatles
Signing petitions
Golden retreivers
kettle corn
boats/personal watercraft
cole haan
taking charge

Wednesday, April 30, 2008


Welp folks, I finally created the word I was looking for and it is FLONTAGE. Flontage is a verb and it represents the finger action that contestants on shows like American Idol or Dancing With the Stars do during voting ceremonies. This picture shows Sanjayah flontaging. He wants the American public to vote for him and his voting number ends in four. Instead of holding up four fingers, Sanjaya flontages. He uses two fingers on both hands to represent four...two plus two equals four. He probably flipped his fingers back and fourth and may have even done a dance in which he took the twos and held them to his eyes kind of like how John Travolta danced in Pulp Fiction.

Please note this word was created and is trademarked by me, but you can use it as often as you'd like.

Good day,

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


Welp folks, this has been some week. I think you remember back on Monday that I won a bicycle helmet, well, now look...a book!!! Not only am I a leader, I am a WINNER!!!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Stuff is Tuff

Young, Hand-fed, Tame, Male, Blue & Gold Macaw needs new home. He comes with his DNA sexing certificate (paid $50.00), California Cage with Playtop-largest made (paid $900.00), his manzanita stand on wheels (paid $60.00), a rope perch (paid $35.00) for use inside or outside the cage, his shower perch(paid $35.00), his toys (paid over $150.00)of which there are many, and a half bag (20 lbs.) of Kaytee Exact Macaw food plus food treats. I will not split this up, it all goes as one package because I want him to have the as much of the life he is used to and things he is comfortable with so the change will be as non-stressful as possible. He will come with a list of phrases and tricks. Please realize this is a huge investment and my rehoming fee will reflect this.

He is a very social bird and needs a lot of time. He says about 25 phrases (no 4 letter words!) plays games (Peek-a-Boo and "Up-Down-Left-Right"), dances when you sing or play music for him, waves to you by picking up his foot and curling and uncurling his toes several times in rapid succession, does a high five, loves to go anywhere and especially on car rides (on the passenger seat back or passenger head rest). He loves to be petted on his head, neck, upper back, under his wings, and can lay in your arms like a baby for a tummy rub. He will eat whatever you eat and can use a spoon to eat.

I am asking a rehoming fee (somewhat negotiable), expect a visit from a prospective owner to meet him, and will then do a home check. I want the best home for him and am dedicated to finding that home. Anyone looking to breed, have several other large birds, or are not experienced with large birds need not apply

Spring Art and Kite Show

I know that many of you are busy but I am going to extend an invitation out to my newest art reception at the Effie Yeaw Nature Center on Saturday. This exhibition is a collaborative venture and includes the works of many local artists, everything from wood carvings to silk flower arranging. I will be showing my latest series of sand art inspired by Island Time. If you get the urge please come and join the good people that are participating in this event. We will be having cookies and punch after the art show to celebrate Allen Johnston's kite flying competition, exciting for sure.

Effie Yeaw Nature Center
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Art Show 11-2:00
Kite Competition 2:00-4:00

If you need directions or further instruction, please give me a ring.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Green With Envy?

There have been many exciting things happening to Aimers this month, but none that can compare to what happened to me in the last two days. Around 4:00 today I was notified that I'd won a raffle. Here at the office we are doing our part in going green. With Earth Day quickly approaching the Go Green Team is raffling many useful items that, help us, help our environment. Each day this week a raffle prize winner is determined, and, as you can see by the picture...my name was chosen. To my surprise I won a bicycle helmet AND water bottle, both green (get it?). It's really funny because I'm always the one that's all "I never win anything", and now here I am WINNING a bicycle helmet and a bird show in the very same week.

I'm overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude for my good fortune.
Have a great evening.



Good News folks, Nipperkin won the first place Blue Ribbon honor at the Avian Exhibition in Milpitas, CA this weekend. In honor of his victory Nipperkin was rewarded with a 20 lb bag of bird seed (the good kind) and a salt chew. What the judges don't know is that Nipperkin is a bad birdy. When we got home he chewed mommy's favorite piece of origami. That dang bird, but how can you stay mad, look at him....he's just beautiful.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Island Time.

I'm on self declared Island Time from now until who knows when, I couldn't tell you because I don't have a watch or a calendar, because I'm so relaxed and nothing bothers me. If you aren't familiar with Island Time you should be. Island Time is all about major chillin' (maxin' and relaxin'). Whether you live near the beach or just visit Blue Gecko on Wednesday nights on the Sacramento River. It's totally, totally, chill. It's all about kickin' it. Island Time means you can always wear flip flops and shorts (24-7). When you think about Island Time, think about Matthew McConaughey (www.matthewmcconaughey.com) or your most recent visit to Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville (www.margaritaville.com). Are you catchin' my drift; mon? If you are, then you should come check me out this weekend at:

The Beach Hut Deli Jam Sesh
3p.m. to 4:15.
North Natomas
3654 North Freeway Blvd.
Suite 325
Sacramento, CA
Tele: (916) 575-7500

I will be playing the bongo/steel drum in an effort to raise money to go to Sandals, Jamaica with my juggling troupe in September.

No shoes? No shirt? NO PROBLEM!!

Zion and One Love
Hope to see you at the show,

***Island Time should in no way be referred to as chillaxin'******

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Evan Dando

I like saying the name Evan Dando. Evan Dando. I could say it one million times, Evan Dando.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

A Few Things I Don't Like.....

Accents (including baby talk)
Flourscent lighting
The term "You rock!"
Over eating
Payless Shoe Source
Scented lip gloss
Small dogs
Jamba Juice
Small Talk (chit chat)
The Beach Boys
Chicken Breasts

Tuesday, March 18, 2008




Hello everyone. As you all know I have a pretty impressive unicorn collection. Well, because I've had to replace the brakes in my car, I'm looking to make a few extra dollars. While it pains me to have to get rid of some of my unicorns I figured that maybe they'd go to a good home if one of you were able to take these off my hands. This is a Lot of 6 Enesco Rainbow Dreams Unicorn figurines. In Good Used Condition. Sorry, I dont have boxes for them. Figurines include:
Dreams Come True(with certificate of authenticity)
The Courtship(this is a set of two that when put together make a beautiful heart,has certificate of authenicity)
Butterflies and Rainbow Skies(has certificate of authenicity)
Where Bluebirds Fly(has certificate of authenicity)
Moonbeam Dreams
Chasing a Dream Buyer can also have Tender Love for FREE!!(this is a set of two that when put together make a beautiful heart, this set is damged due to a broken horn).
Asking $40 for all or $8 each

Please let me know if you are interested by EOD.

Thank you in advance.
Keep Dreaming,

Mr. Pickles

If I owned a Mr. Pickles franchise I think I would decorate mine with charcoal sketches of Princess Diana. I would also have a couple of Marilyn Monroe prints and maybe even a small Nagel by the men's bathroom. Instead of giving lollipops I would have a little jar full of Jolly Ranchers. I would sell Disney Beenie Babies. I would play light rock so that hopefully Candle in the Wind would play at least four times per 8 hour work shift.


Monday, March 17, 2008

Aimer's Lil' Sister

I was excited to find an email in my inbox this morning from my little sister. She lives in Idaho so I don't get to see her too often. But, she wrote to inform me of an award she won last week through a marketing club she is involved with through her high school. She ended up winning first place out of 80 kids that were in the running. Now she gets to go to Georgia for the National event. Aimers is very proud of her little sister.

Erin Go Bragh

Here's to St. Patrick's day and the wonderful night at Thomas Langtry's Saturday where we celebrated with Guiness, Bailey's, Jamieson's, corned beef and cabbage, a bitchin' soundtrack featuring Thin Lizzy ...Musha ring dumma do, damma da, Whack for the daddy 'ol, Whack for the daddy 'ol, There's whiskey in the jar......oh...and most importantly my best friends....BOB haircuts forever bitches!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Aimer's Incomplete List of Hobbies

Hello friends,

I compiled a list of neat hobbies that you may want to consider to replace your drinking. I originally compiled this list specifically for Maureen, but thought that all of you may find it helpful

***Please note this is not a complete list of hobbies****

toy train collecting
rubber stamping
birding (calling and watching)
magic and/or illusion
radio controlled vehicles (since that one shop is right by you that sells them)
quilting/sewing/pattern making/dress making
flower arranging
lock picking
building geraniums
kite flying
freshwater or saltwater aquariums
ham radio
tombstone rubbing
watercolor painting
calligraphy (may also include writing Chinese/Japanese characters)
stamp/coin collecting
candle making (this can include soaps/lotions/and massage oils too)
metal detecting
rocking AIDS babies
building dollhouses
antique car restoration
astronomy (this goes well with hiking)
sheet shooting
butterfly watching
crossword/jigsaw puzzles
making ships in bottles
dog breeding
face painting

I hope that this list inspires you all to do something great.

Toodles, Aimers

White Zin vs. Rose

A couple of summers ago it seemed that wherever I went someone had a bottle of chilled Rose. I thought Rose was just a fancy term for White Zin, a wine I began making fun of when I started waiting tables in 1991. When you work in a restaurant it's always a certain type of lady that orders the white zin, and I don't want to be that lady. Piernas and I have been debating over white zin vs. rose forever, so let's put it to rest.

Blush and rose wines are light-bodied and usually chilled, which makes them perfect for drinking at summer picnics and barbecues. Bob Trinchero drinks his white zinfandel as a before-dinner cocktail, and also likes to pair it with spicy curry dishes.

Rose wines are made the same way as blush wines - the red grape skins are left in the juice briefly, giving the wine a pink color and minimum tannins - but they are usually drier (less sweet) than white zinfandel. Magic Boy drinks them with chicken wings and mac 'n cheese, which usually gives her a headache.

I hope this helps all of you that have also been questioning Rose wines.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Jack Gallagher

Jack Gallagher isn't related to Gallagher, but he is a comedian. He is also living in Sacramento. Throughout the years I've had several run ins with Jack Gallagher (listed below).

1. Sierra View Country Club Mid 1990's-Jack did a stand up act during one of our charity tournaments, this was during his Crystal Ice Cream years, I was starstruck.

2. Southwest Airlines flight to Phoenix 4 years ago-I was going to corporate office, he was listening to I-pod, he was isle seat, I was window seat. I tried to see what he was listening to on his I-pod but this was before I got my reading glasses. I imagined it was Led Zep's ZOSO album.

3. Pancake Breakfast at Elementary School. Jack and family were standing right in front of me I was able to get this picture of him, everyone in his family is tall, his oldest son was wearing a Ramones t-shirt, skinny jeans, and checkered slip on Vans.

I have yet to work up the courage to speak to Jack Gallagher but I feel like it could happen in the coming year.