Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Curtis Park Dream Store: COMING SOON

I have to admit my spirits have been down since finding out that guy from Willie's hamburgers ended up getting Fuji. But, whatever, I'm Aimers, I move on people.

It all started last week. I entered Curtis Park Market and the wafting smell of rat piss filled my nostrils. I was there for my usual, pack of Kools and single tall can of malt liquor....but this time, I wanted popsicles too. As I wrote my check for $4.32, I asked the cashier "why no popsicles?". He says, "no worry, I get for you", and pretends to write down popsicles on some "shopping list" of future items to buy for the store. Knowing I would never come back for the popsicles, it all dawned on me. I'm buying Curtis Park Market and making it a dream store, for all the Curtis Park/Land Park people.

My new store is going to be totally awesome. For starters people in the parks, Curtis and Land, like organic shit, home made ice cream, specialty meats, cheeses, beer (no singles), wine...I'm going to have all of that and lasagna. I'm going to have lots of sauces, BBQ rubs, and baked goods. As a matter of fact, I'm going to carry Old Soul baked goods and coffee, because that place is super hip.

I'm going to expand the parking lot so there are like 10 different bicycle racks for all the fixed gear bicycles. Mopeds and scooters will have their own parking structure and I'll have two separate alternative fueling stations. One hemp and one corn oil. And it's going to be all old timey where someone comes and pumps your alternative fuel for you, while washing your windows.

This dream store will also have a totally rad courtyard out back and Jerry Perry is going to book shows there when we have wine tasting and appetizer night. There will be a big relaxing fountain so you can read the San Francisco Chronicle, Midtown Monthly or your Sac State Alumni magazines next to it, total chill time. Sometimes when it's nice out we can have local neighbors, like that one kids dad from Crocker Riverside give gardening classes in the back... organic, of course.

Were not going to forget about the babies either. When you come into the store you can check out one of our hemp baby slings for dad to wear while you shop. We'll have baby massage, baby yoga, breast feeding support groups and we'll be the very first store in the area to sell a full selection of fresh breast milk made by local moms.

Speaking of Moms, we haven't forgotten about you. You'll be pleased to know we offer knitting circles, hair braiding classes, oil/soap making courses, vegan potlucks, mixed martial arts classes and yoga taught by the "SF Yoga Girl". And, once the housing market gets better, were going to do mortgages in our office space... oh.... while I'm on the subject, please don't forget I'm a notary public, and am here for any of your notary needs.


Too good to be true? I certainly hope not. But just to be safe, I'm going to go down and write a check out for three California State Lottery tickets as soon as I get off of work. Please, seriously, keep your fingers crossed. I don't want another Fuji situation on my hands.

I look forward to servicing all of your annoying needs,

(Thanks April for the inspiration)

1 comment:

Theresa said...

SUPER! I've heard fresh breast milk is the best way to have your coffee in the morning. Any thoughts on tatoos in the courtyard? I'm sure Billy Wang could use some work. Miss you! Terri