Thursday, June 05, 2008

Cats Suck!

Aimers has always, always, had a siamese cat. Like seriously all of my life. When I was little I had one named Maya and I thought she was my best friend until she took her claws and ripped open my forehead while I was petting her. So, anyhow, now I've had this other siamese cat named Puchimaru for like 14 years and while I try to give her away to someone pretty much every day because I can't fucking stand her, nobody will take her. I've moved four times in an attempt to try to shake that dang cat, no such luck. Here I will post some of the top reasons I hate my cat:

1. Cat litter. Not only does cat litter stink and you get stuck having to change a litter box, it gets all over the place. Each time after that stupid cat takes a disgusting shit, she shakes her paws all over the tile floor. I have to sweep three times a day just so litter doesn't stick to the bottom of my feet, DISGUSTING.

2. Hair. Cat hair gets everywhere, all over my clothes, my couch, even my ironing board. I spend like $1,000 in lint brushes per year. Nobody looks good covered in cat hair, plus it makes you sneeze.

3. Meowing. Meowing is annoying, especially when you have a SIAMESE cat, they are like 10 times louder than a normal cat. Fuckers. You can't lock these cats out of the house, they meow to get back in, they are relentless.

4. Food crunching in the middle of the night. For some reason this cat eats in the middle of the night, so all you hear around 3 a.m. is loud crunching.

5. Playing at inappropriate times. Much like the food thing, this cat, Puchi...she plays games, like running around and ball dribbling in the middle of the night, making it impossible to sleep.

6. Cuddling. I do not want cuddle time with this motherfucker. Seriously, she makes dough on skin, sucks blankets like she's nursing, and drools....sickening.

7. Purring. Purring is annoying and loud, I hate purring.

8. Drinking. Even if you were to sit out four different water vessels, this cat will choose to drink out of the fish bowl. This gets hair into the fish bowl, which means there is more for me to clean. Fucking CAT DUDE!!

9. She's mean and sneaky. Don't get me wrong, Puchi is a beautiful cat, this is why it is so tempting to pet her...but don't be fooled people. Everyone that has ever tried to pet Puchi has been brutally attacked with blood. She's horrible.

10. She likes me. This is the worst part of it all, as mean as I am to this cat, she likes me. She's never bitten me, she always wants to sit on my lap, and tries over and over to get on my pillow every single night. This bitch will not get the hint.

There you have it folks, my top ten reasons for hating my stupid ass cat.
Would anyone like to take her home for their own?


Oh man, just thought of another one....she's ruined my couch. Like most cats, they find it necessary to sharpen their disgusting toe nails on the couch. Now one whole side/arm of the couch is shredded with like strings coming out so it NEVER EVER looks CLASSY!! I'm so IRRITATED right now!!


GORILLA said...

everything you say is true. my sweet little angel girl tried to pet this cat just the other day, using her sweet baby voice that she uses with our worthless cat. this demon scratched the shit out of my sweet caterpillar girl, and when she shrieked, the bitch hissed and growled, adding insult to injury -- literally. little sweet's feelings were so hurt. i had to hold that poor baby for 10 mins while she cried it out.

Zombie said...

Completely agree with you here