Wednesday, April 22, 2009

An Oldie but a Goodie.

Sunday morning hangover, in need of food.
Jessica stops by in her minivan, freshly detailed with new wire rims.
Playing the myspace mix CD's we found in the bushes outside of my house, stashed by the 14 year old gangsters from next door, we decide to head out for a late breakfast. Jessica, Jerry and I pile in the minivan and head out to the Sub Shack. I think they actually call it The Shack now. Whatever, it doesn't matter because it was closed. We quickly put what brain we had left, together, to come up with a second breakfast joint choice. Jessica suggest Chargins.

I think Chargins is newly Asian owned and operated so I felt right at home.
We opened the menus and Jessica was happy to see a Kiddie Corner on the menu, meaning we have a new place to take the kids on the weekends to have drinks and breakfast at the same time.

If you've never been to Chargins, it's like an East Sac/Jesuit/St.Frances reunion for twenty somethings fresh out of Sac State or UCDavis who are now back home running the family business. Just about everyone that was in Chargins knew one another (except for us). The type of place where the dudes that are 40 used to be just like the dudes that are 25, and they work for one another's uncles and they've all known each other since they moved to the fab 40's or whatever when they were in Kindergarten. Hella bros and their girlfriends, shorts and flip flops or sandals and backwards sunglasses on baseball hats. Hecka shaka.

Jerry, Jess, and I take a seat, Jessica is facing the football game and happy. I'm facing the twenty something table of douchebags in the corner by the window. It's about one o'clock and they are doing what I think are referred to as Irish Car Bombs. They are loud and cussing and crude. Families with children are looking at them in disgust. One girl in particular starts to get under my skin.

She was wearing a terry cloth tube dress and she was WASTED. She had major drunk face going and she was loud talking. She was going from table to table doing her act hot. Soon though she was just all together plastered. At one point she got up to leave the bar, but the owner had to sit her down and then drama ensued, nobody could let drunky (a.k.a. Courtney) leave because of the fact she'd have killed someone out on Jst with her drunk driving. So, they sit her down and call for someone to pick her up. While she waits for her ride (and apparently forgets that a ride is coming or that she had even attempted to leave in the first place), she continues to take shots and gets even drunker. Now she pulls out her camera and pulls down her terry cloth tube dress, exposes her augmented breasts and takes pictures with her friends for myspace. This went on for about ten minutes, the whole restaurant was like in some sort of mass chaos, not knowing what to do. Every single person staring and involved in all of this insanity. We can't stop laughing and talking sh*t quietly at our table.

Finally our bill comes. We walk to the front door. At this point I looked right at drunk faced Courtney and yelled "HEY, (and she looks up cockeyed) I HOPE YOU CATCH ON FIRE".

We proceeded to walk to the mini van and all of a sudden we hear major Douche dude, say, Hey, I hope YOU catch on fire...and we started laughing, like HA, HA, HA...kind of instigating him/them more...then he said, I've got three girls here that want to kick your as*....and here they come. Courtney is seriously monster walking down the street towards us with the universal you want a piece of me? arms held high in the air.

We got in the minivan, "poor Jerry" was like, lock the doors, and so this swarm of girls and guys come to the window...and Courtney is yelling for Jessica to unlock the door and she is trying to get in the car and Jessica just keeps pointing and laughing at her, and this made that monster more and more angry...then Jessica said, you are a hot mess honey and terry cloth tube dresses went out in 2003...then she rolled down her window and asked the Italian girl and the other littler girl that also wanted to beat us up to move their drunk friend from the rode before she got hit by the they moved her, and we left, and we laughed about it all day. It was awesome. The kind of thing hadn't happened in a real long time.

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