Irish Gangsters

These two met when they were ten months old. They've been best friends since. Only time will tell where the world will take them, but I'm quite sure they'll be shakin' up Land Park in no time.

Camping Trip

This weekend was FANTASTIC a quick camping trip to Sugar Pine Reservoir with the kids, KID TIME. This picture demonstrates G finding and cathing a one eyed toad. Though the bottom of my feet my forever be stained with red dirt, I don't care. I had the best time ever....chatting, eating, drinking, skinny dipping, star gazing, failed attempts at rafting....it was glorious. Aimers likes camping.

Stop!!

Today Aimers would like to say, that you should take time to smell the roses. They are pressure washing the building here today so it's really loud and I'm getting a major migraine. I may have an age old case of the Mondays.

Aimers

Fun with Pictures

Check this out: http://www.photofunia.com/

Croc Charms

Curtis Park Dream Store: COMING SOON

I have to admit my spirits have been down since finding out that guy from Willie's hamburgers ended up getting Fuji. But, whatever, I'm Aimers, I move on people.

It all started last week. I entered Curtis Park Market and the wafting smell of rat piss filled my nostrils. I was there for my usual, pack of Kools and single tall can of malt liquor....but this time, I wanted popsicles too. As I wrote my check for $4.32, I asked the cashier "why no popsicles?". He says, "no worry, I get for you", and pretends to write down popsicles on some "shopping list" of future items to buy for the store. Knowing I would never come back for the popsicles, it all dawned on me. I'm buying Curtis Park Market and making it a dream store, for all the Curtis Park/Land Park people.

My new store is going to be totally awesome. For starters people in the parks, Curtis and Land, like organic shit, home made ice cream, specialty meats, cheeses, beer (no singles), wine...I'm going to have all of that and lasagna. I'm going to have lots of sauces, BBQ rubs, and baked goods. As a matter of fact, I'm going to carry Old Soul baked goods and coffee, because that place is super hip.

I'm going to expand the parking lot so there are like 10 different bicycle racks for all the fixed gear bicycles. Mopeds and scooters will have their own parking structure and I'll have two separate alternative fueling stations. One hemp and one corn oil. And it's going to be all old timey where someone comes and pumps your alternative fuel for you, while washing your windows.

This dream store will also have a totally rad courtyard out back and Jerry Perry is going to book shows there when we have wine tasting and appetizer night. There will be a big relaxing fountain so you can read the San Francisco Chronicle, Midtown Monthly or your Sac State Alumni magazines next to it, total chill time. Sometimes when it's nice out we can have local neighbors, like that one kids dad from Crocker Riverside give gardening classes in the back... organic, of course.

Were not going to forget about the babies either. When you come into the store you can check out one of our hemp baby slings for dad to wear while you shop. We'll have baby massage, baby yoga, breast feeding support groups and we'll be the very first store in the area to sell a full selection of fresh breast milk made by local moms.

Speaking of Moms, we haven't forgotten about you. You'll be pleased to know we offer knitting circles, hair braiding classes, oil/soap making courses, vegan potlucks, mixed martial arts classes and yoga taught by the "SF Yoga Girl". And, once the housing market gets better, were going to do mortgages in our office space... oh.... while I'm on the subject, please don't forget I'm a notary public, and am here for any of your notary needs.

Furthermore...NO SHOPPING BAGS WHATSOEVER.

Too good to be true? I certainly hope not. But just to be safe, I'm going to go down and write a check out for three California State Lottery tickets as soon as I get off of work. Please, seriously, keep your fingers crossed. I don't want another Fuji situation on my hands.

I look forward to servicing all of your annoying needs,
Aimers

(Thanks April for the inspiration)

Belly Dancing

I started belly dancing again. Feels good to jingle jangle my finger clankers, I forgot how much I love my coin belt.

Aimers

Performance Art Camp

I just completed the Jonesey C. Starlight Performance Art Camp off the cost of Mendocino. I've included pictures of some of the things I am now able to do, like twist through a hula hoop.

For those of you who do not have any performance art experience I would recommend this introductory course. For three days Jonesey teaches you the basics of performance art. Costuming, speaking through a bullhorn, and basic hula hooping are all part of this beginner's course. Cost of the two day seminar is only $150.00. As Jonesey explains this money will be made back in spades upon your first public performance.

I always thought I had what it would take to become a semi-professional performance artist. After this experience I am even more confident that I can make my dreams a reality.

Because Jonesey is not licensed; this course is by word of mouth only. For those of you interested, please drop me a line or call my cellular telephone.

Good day,
aimers

Office Foods

I can imagine that every office freezer looks about like the one here, jam packed with ice cream and Lean Cuisines. Whose eating these things anyways?

Badu Bay-bay.

These two gorillas were out in full effect last night at the Paramount Theatre in Oakland to see our girl Erykah....but not before taking a picture in front of this airbrushed backdrop...PHOTOS!!! During our time at the photo shoot, one young lady asked us to move, so her moms could take a picture of her with her cellular telephone, without paying the $10 for the actual picture. That was quickly vetoed by the airbrush photo booth operator and we got our sweet ass picture in mere minutes. We've both decided never to wear these jeans again.

Have a bless-ed day,
Aimers

Cats Suck!

Aimers has always, always, had a siamese cat. Like seriously all of my life. When I was little I had one named Maya and I thought she was my best friend until she took her claws and ripped open my forehead while I was petting her. So, anyhow, now I've had this other siamese cat named Puchimaru for like 14 years and while I try to give her away to someone pretty much every day because I can't fucking stand her, nobody will take her. I've moved four times in an attempt to try to shake that dang cat, no such luck. Here I will post some of the top reasons I hate my cat:

1. Cat litter. Not only does cat litter stink and you get stuck having to change a litter box, it gets all over the place. Each time after that stupid cat takes a disgusting shit, she shakes her paws all over the tile floor. I have to sweep three times a day just so litter doesn't stick to the bottom of my feet, DISGUSTING.

2. Hair. Cat hair gets everywhere, all over my clothes, my couch, even my ironing board. I spend like $1,000 in lint brushes per year. Nobody looks good covered in cat hair, plus it makes you sneeze.

3. Meowing. Meowing is annoying, especially when you have a SIAMESE cat, they are like 10 times louder than a normal cat. Fuckers. You can't lock these cats out of the house, they meow to get back in, they are relentless.

4. Food crunching in the middle of the night. For some reason this cat eats in the middle of the night, so all you hear around 3 a.m. is loud crunching.

5. Playing at inappropriate times. Much like the food thing, this cat, Puchi...she plays games, like running around and ball dribbling in the middle of the night, making it impossible to sleep.

6. Cuddling. I do not want cuddle time with this motherfucker. Seriously, she makes dough on skin, sucks blankets like she's nursing, and drools....sickening.

7. Purring. Purring is annoying and loud, I hate purring.

8. Drinking. Even if you were to sit out four different water vessels, this cat will choose to drink out of the fish bowl. This gets hair into the fish bowl, which means there is more for me to clean. Fucking CAT DUDE!!

9. She's mean and sneaky. Don't get me wrong, Puchi is a beautiful cat, this is why it is so tempting to pet her...but don't be fooled people. Everyone that has ever tried to pet Puchi has been brutally attacked with blood. She's horrible.

10. She likes me. This is the worst part of it all, as mean as I am to this cat, she likes me. She's never bitten me, she always wants to sit on my lap, and tries over and over to get on my pillow every single night. This bitch will not get the hint.

There you have it folks, my top ten reasons for hating my stupid ass cat.
Would anyone like to take her home for their own?

Thanks,
Aimers

Oh man, just thought of another one....she's ruined my couch. Like most cats, they find it necessary to sharpen their disgusting toe nails on the couch. Now one whole side/arm of the couch is shredded with like strings coming out so it NEVER EVER looks CLASSY!! I'm so IRRITATED right now!!

WHAT????

Guitar Heros?

After a two day bender, I headed to Blockbuster for mindless entertainment. I mean, even though I've received six different "free NETFLIX for a month" certificates, I'm still going to Blockbuster. Whatever!!, as I pulled in to Blockbuster there was some mass hysteria happening in the parking lot. They had streamers, signs, and balloons...so I decided to park on a side street and walk up, just in case I had to make a quick get-a-way.

I said a two day bender people, on top of whooping cough, things were hazy, I couldn't quite figure out what was going on. All I wanted was a movie, anything, something funny, something sad...didn't matter.

I enter that dang Blockbuster and to my disgust, they are staging a Rock Wars; Battle of the Bands type of thing, with Guitar Hero.

These are grown men on fake guitars battling one another at a Blockbuster in a strip mall. "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith was !BLASTING! What in the hell is happening these days? Honestly, is everything losing its mind? Can this be turned around?

I don't like people thinking they can so freely do whatever they want and walk around being so openly nerdy.

I'm disgsuted,
Aimers

Drastic Times Call for Dramatic Measures

Sometimes I like to get very dramatic and crank up the Smiths.
Park the car at the side of the road
You should know
Time's tide will smother you
And I will too
When you laugh about people who feel so
Very lonely
Their only desire is to die
Well, I'm afraid
It doesn't make me smile
I wish I could laugh

But that joke isn't funny anymore
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
It's too close to home
And it's too near the bone
More than you'll ever know ...


Kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down
You kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down
You kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down
You kick them when they fall down
Kick them when they fall down


It was dark as I drove the point home
And on cold leather seats
Well, it suddenly struck me
I just might die with a smile on my
Face after all

Growing my Dreads

After much debate, I've decided I'm going to go ahead and grow my dreadlocks back out. Should be pretty easy for all of my summer festivals.

Aimee Likey

This week Joan at my Red Hat group posed an interesting question to the group. She asked, "what are some of the things you love most?" After much thought, here are some of the things I can't live without (in no particular order):

Maxwell House Coffee
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (hilarious)
Arnold Palmer (1/2 iced tea; 1/2 lemonade=100% delicious)
Ambrosia
jigsaw puzzles
miniature trains
Reading the TV Guide
Triscuits
Anything purple
home schooling
bird watching
skip-bo
Black Angus
Raisins
Live with Regis and Kelly

Favorite Phrases:
Answering the phone 'hola'
See Ya' Wouldn't Wanna Be Ya'
Where's the Beef?
Well, Excuuuuuse ME!!

That's all I could come up with for now.

Pleat Fronts

At what point in your adult life do you say to yourself, "hey, I'm going to go ahead and buy myself a pair of pleat front trousers"? I don't get it.

Friday Night Concert in the Park

Somehow I always get talked into going, a phone call from one of the girls saying to meet them at Cesar Chavez park for Concert in the Park. Once agreed upon I spend my work day thinking about how quickly I can get home after work so that I can take off my biz-cas fri, carefully place my lanyard on my bedside table, and change clothes, in time to meet my friends.

As I make my way to the park, I suddenly remember how much I hate going. Yet, I'm about two blocks from my final destination. As I search for a parking spot for the next twenty or so minutes, I debate on going home, but I don't. My phone buzzes a million times with texts asking where the hell I am. I go around and around each block trying to find a parking spot, and finally, 12 blocks from Cesar Chavez I find my spot.

Out of the car the wind whips my face and I can hear the drums. I have butterflies in my stomach and Gio is already complaining that he is cold and hungry and can no longer walk. As I carry him in my arms the next 10 blocks I finally arrive. I wait in line for my red bracelette that signifies I have the ability to mingle in the beer garden. I search for friends, circling the crowd with my eyes, over and over again...they are nowhere to be found, lost in a sea of gorgeous tattooed Sacramento. I decide to get in the drink tickets line and to my surprise there are all of my friends. We each buy $20 worth of drink tickets...then proceed to the beer/wine line.

For the next 42 minutes we hold our place in line. We inch our way up to get a drink and when I'm about five people away from getting my drink, I can no longer ignore Gio's pleas to go to the restroom. So, I hand my tickets to a BFF and beg they get my drink while I go to the port-o-potty line. For the next 23 minutes I listen to Gio cry that he is going to pee his pants. Nobody will allow us to cut in front of them because they are in similar situations. The smell of urine and cigarettes in my nose, while some unknown band jams it to pieces. I'm so mad.

Once out of the port-o-potty, I frantically search for my friends, they are nowhere to be found...did they leave?? Where are they?? I haven't even had a sip of that box wine yet. I feel like crying a little bit, because now Gio is hungry. But, everything is "DISGUSTING!" I finally see my friends, grimaces on faces, wine in hands, yelling at some dude. Because I've been gone for 37 minutes, my wine is 1/4 full and it is now time to repeat going to the beer/wine line.

I tell my friends that I will stay in line this time so they can take their kids to the port-o-potty. I patiently wait in line staring at all the ugly people. Sometimes I see someone I don't want to see and make very small talk. When I get to the front of the line they are out of wine, so I have to get BUD LIGHT. I'm also informed that I can only get two drinks per person, but I promised BFF I'd get her a drink....so I get someone else in line to get a drink for my friend with my tickets. I hold three beers in the corner by the beer/wine line and wait. BFF's emerge 20 minutes later, grab their Bud Light's and we are informed that it is time to go....we have $12 worth of tickets left that we will lose before the next time we decide to go to Concert in the Park.

This has gone on for the last decade. I will see you there.

E-mail Club's List of Stuff the Whites Like

I'm not sure if all of you have seen the website "Stuff White People Like", but taking a cue from it, my email club and I came up with our own list of stuff the whites like and here it is for your viewing pleasure:

Home/Boat/RV/ Shows
Using their elementary Spanish at Mexican restaurants
Sushi
Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrell
French Manicures
Tiffaney ID bracelettes
Jack Johnson
Cupcakes
Talking about getting the cement porch laid for the new backyard
Putting censors on their front and back doors so they can hear if the kids get out
Uncomfortable dinner parties
Greeting Cards
Spray Tan
The Bachelor/Dancing With the Stars/So You Think are Smarter than a 5th Grader
Home Improvment Projects
Class Reunions/Weddings/Baby Showers/Bridal Showers/Birthday Parties/30 year old parties/retirement parties/over the hill parties
Waldorf Salad...salads in general
lacoste polos
going green
"underground"
crocs
loving the "diversity" in presidential candidates but having no intention to vote for either
flip flops
hiking
lamenting racism
european ancestry
laughing at white people jokes
Capri Pants
Outlet Stores
designer pets
costco
haggling
craigslist
urban development
plaid
baby einstein
orbit strollers/jogging strollers/double wide strollers
awarness
fancy tea
small sandwiches
pergo flooring
gazebos
ART WALKS/ PUB CRAWLS
havarti cheese
darfur
remixes
tivo
hybrids
ikea
loose powder make up (Bare Minerals)
loving people "to death"
COACH
Chile rellenos, or as they like to say “Chili reh-lawn-oes
protein bars
healthy tortillas
chipotle
Abercrombie & Fitch
hats
recognition
brainstorming sessions
appletinis
"party" playlists
minimal dancing at parties
instructional dances
khaki pants
blue dress shirts
the song TEQUILA, dancing like Pee Wee Herman
Golf
living on a golf course
Christmas
high fives/fist pounds
Oprah
Scrapbooking
Slumming It
Girl's night/guy's night
The Beatles
Signing petitions
Golden retreivers
Subarus
Watersports
kettle corn
MacIntosh
Delegating
boats/personal watercraft
snow
cole haan
taking charge
lists

Flontage

Welp folks, I finally created the word I was looking for and it is FLONTAGE. Flontage is a verb and it represents the finger action that contestants on shows like American Idol or Dancing With the Stars do during voting ceremonies. This picture shows Sanjayah flontaging. He wants the American public to vote for him and his voting number ends in four. Instead of holding up four fingers, Sanjaya flontages. He uses two fingers on both hands to represent four...two plus two equals four. He probably flipped his fingers back and fourth and may have even done a dance in which he took the twos and held them to his eyes kind of like how John Travolta danced in Pulp Fiction.

Please note this word was created and is trademarked by me, but you can use it as often as you'd like.

Good day,
Aimers