Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Johnny The Motivational Retard

This picture is of Barbara Glanz, a motivational speaker, this video clip is some bullshit that Barb concoccted to motivate people while making money off of her DVD and book. If you have a minute, watch the clip.

This was passed through to me by Mel who had received as a work email along with a string of one hundred comments like "WOW, this really touched my heart" and "THIS IS BEAUTIFUL -- PLEASE WATCH!!!!". After watching and discussing with my associates, we were ready to puke through our hands. There are some major holes in this story, as in, I doubt Johnny had written enough daily quotes with the help of his dad to be prepared for that triple length line that went to the frozen isle section. Why do people believe this stuff? Do they really think that Johnny the retarded bagger has the ability to change the world one post-it at a time? Do they really believe that Johnny even exists? I mean do people named Johnny even exist?

Well, to answer that question, Johnny Bookout existed. His story was sad, not inspirational. I mean really, just an adopted foul-mouthed kid who tortured his sister and her friends. Never moved out of his parents' home, worked intermittently as some sort of mechanic but mainly sold drugs out of his parents' garage. Johnny died of an overdose in his childhood bed at the age of 35. While he wasn't as inspirational as Johnny the Retard, he did coin the terms, taco twins and burrito sisters for J-Mo and Mel and referred to his sister and mom as m-fers.

It's unfortunate I don't have any DVD's or books about Johnny Bookout. But think of him the next time you want to forward an interesting awe inspiring story to your co-workers, you'll thank me for it.

1 comment:

Tomothegutter said...

That can't fucking be real.....First of all there's no a-hole in the whole fucking world who's gonna stand in a checkout line that reaches all the way down the frozen food aisle when all the other checkstands are open and empty. And secondly, what in the hell is a retard going to suggest for a thought for the day? "I like spaghetti?" "Peeing my pants is bad?" "I'm too dumb to get a better job?" That fucking woman is a psycho, but I know where she would find the greatest success: as the fake commercial writer for Saturday Night Live.